Restlessness
by sinisteredgirl
Summary: In his wholeness, she was broken. (In-game spoilers)


_A/N: A rather long one-shot about Luke's slow death. If you guys are wondering why my stories in Abyss always dabble within the subject of Luke's approaching death, it's because I'm fascinated by it. No other situation brings about that plethora of emotions like the knowledge of your own death. _  
_Of course, Tales of the Abyss belongs to Namco-Bandai Productions._

_Beta'd by the most awesome and wonderful _Cohen's Girl. _You have been so patient and kind. I cannot thank you enough. _

**Restless**

"_Rending Blast_!"

A faint red light briefly coloured the forest hue, followed by a pained howl and a loud thud as the dead monster hit the ground. Several other monsters instinctively sprung away from the blast, only to be caught by a chilling spell of ice.

"Rest in a merciless silver embrace! _Absolute_!"

The monsters fell dead but the battle drew on, far from finished—more and more of their kind poured out from the forest and into the little clearing. Their screeching and wailing, which resounded throughout the forest canopy, acted as a siren that effectively drew more of their numbers out of the trees.

In the middle of this disarray there were six people—each with a mob of their own to contend with—trying valiantly to decimate the enemies that had surrounded and greatly outnumbered them. It didn't help that they had been hiking for what seemed like days; the _Albiore_ being temporarily docked in Sheridan for repairs and upgrades. They were running out of strength and patience.

"_Soaring Blast_! Take that, you creepers!" Anise's high-pitched voice cut through the sounds of the battlefield. She was running low on energy, and the Tokunaga doll had been badly pummelled. "Ugh! Whose idea was it to cross to Belkend anyway? Couldn't we just wait for the Albiore to be fixed?"

"Sorry, but we can't do that." Guy interjected, after promptly killing a monster with his _Crescent Strike_. His clothes were a mess—their days of non-stop hiking and fighting were to blame—and exhaustion graced his features and posture. "Albiore repairs take two to three weeks to be finished, and we can't afford to waste that much time."

"Guy is right," Natalia heaved, as she prepared two arrows to pierce her enemies. "We have to convey this message as soon as possible to the Belkend authorities. We cannot afford to lose time!" she scoffed with conviction, though it was clear that she, too, was struggling.

"Oh, you youngsters should be able to withstand these conditions without any problems! Unlike your poor old Colonel here, what with his aching joints and all." Jade prodded, looking for a reaction as he finished casting another round of _Absolute_. His face was contorted into a snide expression of fake-exhaustion, but as usual, he looked the least troubled and tired of them all. This had earned a tirade of side-comments from the rest of the group except Tear and, to everyone's bafflement, Luke.

"O' Divine Spear, run my enemy through! _Holy Lance_!" Tear's focused demeanor on the battlefield kept her from joining the argument. Surprisingly though, Luke was also silent on the matter—which was odd, Tear thought, as he was always part of the usual party bickering, given that he always had something to say with regards to everything. This time, however, he was more focused on the fight than on anyone else.

No, Tear corrected, it was more like he was trying to focus. There was a gleam of distress on his face which seemed to resemble an expression of pain—Was he hurt? Or was he having another bout of those migraines?

The rest of the party continued with their verbal brawl. It seemed that the colonel had managed once again to manipulate the argument, successfully maneuvering Guy into the hotseat of the conversation; something about womanly curves, Anise having none at all, and telling the gender of a cheagle. How it had turned to that subject, Tear could only imagine. Yet it was also through this commotion-within-a-commotion that they were able to veer away from their exhaustion momentarily; as a result, the enemies' numbers had decreased significantly, leaving only a few more batches of their kind, plus the appearance of a rather distinctive monster.

"That's the leader of the pack!" Tear pointed out.

"It's the one who kept on shrieking and calling out the others, isn't it?" Guy said as he slashed a target down, frustration evident in his voice. "We'd better deal with that one quick, or we're in trouble."

"If we kill it, it won't be able to call out the other monsters, right? I'm on it!" Anise prepped her Tokunaga in an offensive stance, ready to pounce. Exasperated as she was, any addition to their already numerous opponents would have made their situation even more annoying than it was already.

The others, meanwhile, were still busy with their own remaining mobs. They watched as Tokunaga (with its mistress clinging tightly to its back) raced through the field and pounded into the pack leader. It gave resistance instinctively (and lots of shrieks and yelps—too much for the party's already ringing ears), but soon became motionless under Tokunaga's insistent squashing. After a final and forceful _wham_, the giant doll withdrew, with Anise giving it a proud pat on its back.

"Hah! That's what you get for messing with me and Tokuna—OW!"

To her surprise, two new monsters sprung up from the bushes and lashed out at Tokunaga from behind; they ripped out the stuffing and utterly dismembered the giant doll, causing Anise to fall from its back.

"Tokunaga!"

The doll reverted back to its original size, but the damage was still clearly visible.

"You're going to pay for this!"

She then rushed forward and angrily bashed the two monsters using her staff—being a soldier, she of course knew her mettle. After weakening and knocking both monsters to the ground, she prepared to cast a spell—unaware that the pack leader, seemingly unscathed from the earlier punches, was now behind her and ready to lunge.

Natalia, the team's long-range archer, was still holding off some monsters on her end, while the others were significantly further away—they would never make it in time. Only their shouts of warning reached her.

"Anise! Behind you! "

"huh—"

As Anise turned around a bright light suddenly engulfed the pack leader, completely decimating it. Anise instinctively raised her hands to block, but soon saw that the light had only been intended to hurt the fiend. It eventually died down, revealing the few pieces of the monster that were left.

The entire party turned towards the source of the light; it was Luke, whose hands were still glowing from the use of hyperresonance. In that split second, he had used his power—which was both convenient, precise and powerful—to stop the monster and save Anise's life. In the past, such an act would have been unthinkable; Luke's control had been too lacking. But his practice had certainly paid off, as he was now at least able to get a good grip of it; the lowering of the outer lands was a testament to that.

However, before anyone else could react, Luke's body collapsed to the floor; it created a loud thud as he landed unceremoniously on the dirt ground. He lay there motionless, his body static, and utterly unresponsive to the monsters that quickly surrounded him.

The first ones to react (and incidentally, the ones nearest to him) were Guy and Tear. Guy promptly ran to Luke's side to fend off the beasts, while Tear fleetly examined the unconscious man.

"Luke!" Tear shook his shoulders, hoping to wake him somehow. When that failed, she quickly assessed his form to check if there were any injuries. What she noticed, however, petrified her.

He wasn't breathing.

She quickly latched her hand onto his neck to check his pulse for a beat—for any sign of life at all.

There was none.

Numbness crept over her as the realization started to sink in. Everything that was happening—the still on-going battle, the worried yells of the others and the pained howls of the enemies—faded away, and all that was left at that moment was the still form of the Kimlascan noble that she held so delicately in her arms, his face deceptively remaining so vividly coloured and innocent-looking that one would think he was only asleep.

_Asleep…_

_Alive._

_He was still alive...wasn't he?_

She shook his shoulders once again to try and wake him, but it failed to rouse even the familiar rise and fall of his chest. It was then that the realistic—the soldier—side of her kicked in; the conclusion it derived from the situation, however, she did not like one bit.

No. She would not accept it.

Seconds passed and still there was no breathing. Seconds? Tear thought an eternity had passed.

Yet still—he was still not—

_No._

_Not like this._

Her throat constricted and her mouth went dry, making even the simplest of words almost impossible to produce. But what could she possibly say? Her mind was in a complete haze. No, her mind wasn't crowded at all; it was blank—consumed by a hollow void the moment that she realized—accepted— that Luke wasn't breathing, that he had no pulse; that he wasn't, by any definition, alive.

_No…No!_

A sudden hitched breath removed her from her thoughts and her eyes widened upon seeing the source.

"Luke! Thank goodness!" Tear cried out, as she tightened her hold of the red-head. All of her previous thoughts perished in an instant at the sound of his breathing—he was alive! Alive and breathing! If she could, she would have cried. "How do you feel? Are you in pain?" Though relieved at his otherwise very-much-alive-state, she was still deadly concerned.

Luke was breathing hard, as if he had just drowned and was trying valiantly to catch his lost breath. After some time, he managed to reply weakly, "I-I'm alright…What happened…?" He jolted up into a sitting position, "Anise! Is she okay—"

"Luke!"

His thought was cut off as Guy scrambled to his side. The deep concern that he felt for his best friend was obvious. "Are you alright? Were you injured?"

"I-I don't think so…" Luke said, while checking over his arms and body. "I'm fine. Sorry for making you guys worry." His apology was aimed at both Guy and Tear.

"Well, of course you made us worry. Fainting isn't an everyday deal, you know." Guy furrowed his brow inquisitively. "Just what happened exactly?"

Luke gave him a confused, somewhat helpless look in return. "I-I don't know either…" He said. Lies, Tear reprimanded internally; she could practically see the undertone of fear written in his face. By the looks of it, he knew perfectly well the cause of his collapse but wasn't planning on admitting it—not to Guy, anyway.

"Are you sure?" Guy also gave him a sceptical look, but quickly brushed his doubts aside when Luke doubly assured him of his state.

"I'm fine, Guy. Just a bit…tired."

"Then rest here. I'll go help the others." Guy said. He then left Luke's side and joined the others in their fight. This left Tear alone to attend to Luke.

"Hold on, I'll try casting some healing artes on you."

"You don't have to—I'm not injured—"

"It's to recover your strength."

"Ah…" Luke smiled, "Thanks Tear."

Tear, however, was in deep thought; she had put into consideration the word Guy had used earlier on: Faint. It clearly meant that Guy didn't see the…state Luke was in mere moments ago. And that was a relief—or, at least, that's what she thought it was. They didn't need to see that.

After finishing off the remaining set of monsters, the others rushed over to Luke, who by then was slowly getting to his feet .Natalia, very much filled with concern for her childhood friend, was the first to ask, "Luke, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, don't worry about it." Luke tried to ease Natalia's—indeed, everyone's—worries, but to little avail. "I just felt faint for a moment, but now I'm alright."

"But why would you feel 'faint'? You were okay just moments ago!" Anise interjected.

"Well that's—uh…the hyperresonance probably did me in."

Guy quickly caught onto this information. "Using hyperresonance made you collapse? Since when?"

Luke floundered. "That's not what I meant! I—um…"

"But you've been using it in our battles ever since. Why would it suddenly make you feel weak?" Interrupted Natalia.

"No, I—"

"You also used it back then on the passage rings, but you never collapsed! What's going on—"

"I suppose it's understandable." Jade retorted sharply, effectively silencing the rest. "Hyperresonance can be very exhausting for the user, even more with Luke's use of precision. We've also been travelling for days, so the added strain on his body might have been too much." He gave Luke a solemn and knowing look, and Tear immediately understood that there was more to his words than he was letting on. Luke noticed as well, and gave Jade a terse nod. "I suggest we hurry towards the city. It won't be long now and Luke can get a substantial rest there." His final words signified the end of the discussion.

Natalia was, of course, convinced by the colonel's logic. "I suppose that's true. That means our priority right now is to travel to Belkend as soon as possible. Not just for Luke—for the rest of us too."

Guy agreed. "Let's go, before another batch of those monsters spring up." He turned to Luke with a good-natured grin. "Do you want me to carry you, Luke?"

"Do you want me to punch you in the face?" Luke snarled.

"Ha-ha! If you're that energetic already, I'd say you're more than alright now. Come on then!" Guy said, as he led the long hike towards the forest exit. Natalia tailed from behind.

"Right!" Anise piped up with her usual energetic voice before turning to face Luke once again. "Oh, and Luke?"

"Hmm?"

"Thanks for saving my skin back there. The Super-Sexy-Anise appreciates it!" she gave Luke a flying kiss before catching up with Guy and Natalia. Luke sighed loudly.

Tear followed the rest. She trudged ahead, but not before sparing the remaining two a glance of concern and suspicion; the Colonel and Luke obviously had something to talk about, and by falling shortly behind the others, they had made sure that their 'little' talk would remain private. As much as she wanted to listen to them…No. Tear shook her head and continued on.

Whatever they were talking about, she would know sooner or later.

* * *

It was a few more hours of trudging before they arrived safely in Belkend and managed to book rooms in the inn for a well-deserved rest. After the party supper, each retired to their respective rooms and slept—with the exception of Luke, who, in the late hours of that evening, dawdled on the balcony, looking intently up at the stars. It was this sight that greeted Tear as she passed by the balcony door.

"Shouldn't you be resting?" She promptly broke the trance that Luke was in. There was a hint of surprise on his face, followed by that warm, familiar smile that was now so usual of Luke.

"I just came out to have a breather. The air's nice and cold out here," Luke lazily stretched out his arms and gave a sigh. "Plus, Guy's sleep talking woke me up."

"Again?" Tear asked, unsurprised. "What is it about this time?" It was one of those things that you acquire after traveling together for a long time; you got to know the people you journeyed with right down to their sleeping habits.

Luke shrugged, idly. "You know, just the usual: Fontech machines, the Albiore, engineers, and that sort of stuff. At least now I know the difference between the Sheridan-21C fonscrew and the Belkend-45H fonscrew." Tear laughed quietly.

A comfortable silence then cloaked the two, as each was content with watching the night sky. Tear, however, decided to break it with one of her more direct questions. "So what did the colonel tell you?" Her expression was, now, completely serious.

Luke gave her a garbled response, followed by an audible heave. He couldn't lie to her. "…He told me that he wasn't lying—it was really the mixture of exhaustion and the use of hyperresonance that made me collapse. That, and…" he swallowed. "…and my condition. He said it was getting worse."

A gentle smile graced his face as he recalled the earlier memory. "Then the old man scolded me for not being more careful. He said I should limit the use of hyperresonance as much as possible, and that I should avoid putting any more additional strain on my body, or else I'd…the separation process would speed up." He mumbled the last part softly—almost inaudible to unstrained ears.

Tear struggled to process all of the things Luke had just told her. She then looked back at the day's events and thought through this explanation; it was logical—it fitted.

"I see…" She blurted out, distractedly. "Well, the Colonel's right. Don't overexert yourself. If you feel tired, then rest—if it's anything else, tell me right away. And don't be careless about your use of hyperresonance—don't use it unless you absolutely need to, understand?"

"Okay, Okay! You don't have to chew me out too," Luke grinned despite the protest.

Tear rolled her eyes. "All I'm saying is that you should take better care of yourself. Don't let what happened earlier repeat itself." _Never scare me like that, ever again_.

"Alright, I promise I'll take better care of myself from now on." came Luke's amused response.

"Remember that." She looked at him firmly, to which Luke nodded lightly. For the second time that night, silence overtook their conversation.

Tear knew, however, that there was something else occupying Luke's mind—what that something was, she had a fairly good idea.

"Luke…"

Luke turned to her quizzically; there was an overbearing dismal look in his eyes. It confirmed her thoughts.

"Are you alright?" She asked in a tentative manner. They both knew the question wasn't in reference to his physical condition, but to the emotional distress the topic had always brought him. It lingered in his mind—always under the surface of every thought, word and action.

Luke turned away—he fixed his eyes back on the sky. "The truth is, I…I felt my body acting up even before then. I knew it was because of that, but I was scared so… I tried to ignore it. I thought it would go away if I did," Tear had guessed as much, but she let Luke continue his story. "But it was later when I collapsed and Jade scolded me that I became really scared again. It's like I was reminded that this body won't last for much longer," his hands tightly gripped the railing, "And that I'm going to die."

It was hard for Tear to listen to Luke like this; he was resigned to his fate but at the same time, terrified and shaking. If there was any other way to avoid it—avoid all this…"Luke, it's alright to be scared. Anyone would feel the same way."

"I know! I know that, but… when I thought about what would happen if I didn't use my hyperresonance back then…" Luke trailed off, and then turned back to face Tear. "…The result would have been much scarier."

Tear was genuinely surprised and terrified at the sudden realization. Luke had known at the time that it was dangerous for him to use Hyperresonance—that his exhausted body might not be able to take it—and yet he had used it anyway. He had risked his life, all to save Anise.

She should have guessed.

Luke had always been a self-sacrificing person.

_Idiot._

"Just…Just don't push yourself too hard. Please." She knew deep down that he would ignore her; Luke had always been one to do things excessively…and hide his own pain.

He nodded anyway. "Okay. Thanks Tear." He gave her one of his brighter smiles, and, despite the brisk cold night air, Tear felt warmth spread across her face.

"…It's weird."

Luke's sudden words startled her. "What's weird?" She asked.

"That time after I used my hyperresonance…you know, when I collapsed?"

A sick feeling started in her stomach. "W-What about it?"

"Nothing really." Luke considered the thought. "It was just—after I blacked out, I remembered feeling…peace."

Tear froze. _Peace…?_

"Like it blurred out my senses— I couldn't feel anything. There was just…an overwhelming calmness," he continued on, oblivious to Tear's trepidation. "I didn't feel pain and I wasn't tired at all. It was weird but I…felt whole in that single moment."

_But that was when…_

"And before I knew it, your face was in front of me with that worried-to-death look of yours."

_That was—_

"Weird, right?"

_You…_

"Tear?"

_You were not—_

"…breathing."

"Huh?"

Luke's hand on Tear's shoulder jolted her out of her reverie. "Tear, are you alright?" his anxious tone conveyed his worry. Tear shakily shrugged off the concern, though in reality, she was trembling; she was paralyzed with fear.

"N-No, I'm fine." She answered back, though her voice was unsteady and wavering. "Y-you were probably just tired, that's why you imagined those things back then. Your body craved rest, remember?"

Luke laughed, gently. "You're right. My body wanted rest, so I started having dreams about it. Sort of like how when you're hungry, you dream of food, right?"

Tear made no attempt to respond, only offering up a slightly-awkward smile in Luke's direction. He then stretched out his arms, and walked past into the poor-lit corridor. "Well, I'm going to bed now. You should too, Tear." she gave no more than a quick nod and a sound of affirmation. Luke then went ahead, back to his shared room with Guy.

After hearing the definitive sound of a door closing, Tear heaved out a thick and shuddering breath. The night, which was so beautiful and cherished moments ago, had now become heavy and desolate. The air suffocated her. The stars were nothing more than dull, dismal studs on a black canvas.

Her mind replayed the day's events, and she paralleled it with what Luke had peculiarly described earlier. She matched that sleeping face with what Luke had recalled a feeling of peace. She matched his loss of breath with the calmness he felt. She matched his lack of pulse with what he claimed as wholeness. And it terrified her, because it made sense.

It made perfect sense.

In the end, she was glad he didn't ask her what could be more terrifying than the alternative he had imagined.

For she had an answer; she knew what could be more terrifying.

And she had already seen it.

* * *

_...And done! Thank you very much for reading. Feel free to give a review._


End file.
